Got back last night from an overnight trip to Kelowna.
We went to meet the plastic surgeon who will perform the major part of my surgery.
On the drive up to Kelowna (which I usually love) I started getting butterflies in my stomach.
This is all coming up so soon and I am starting to get scared...up until now, it was a distant plan of action, a "no big deal" so to speak. Now, I am starting to freak out.
When we rolled into town, we went for dinner and a movie. It's always a nice excuse for a date away from the kids...which has been very VERY rare lately.
We saw Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. It was fabulous!! I needed the laughs and I got them. I highly recommend this movie!!
The next day we went to the plastic surgery center.
It was fancy and a bit intimidating.
I had to fill out the necessary forms and wait.
Then we were taken into another room to watch a video on reconstruction options...it didn't have any gore, but it made it all so real, I started to feel panicky and my husband had to leave the room because he felt like he was going to puke and pass out.
It was just a lot of verbal explanation of where they take the fat and tissue from and how they reattach it and so on....plus they explained the complications one may have from the surgery.
I decided they should change the system. They should have you sign up for the surgery and signa waiver and then once you do, they will come int0 your room while you sleep on some random day, and gas you out without you knowing and do the surgery...surprise!
Because for me, the worst part of it all, is the anxiety leading up to it.
When the doctor finally came into the room, he examined me, measured me with a tape measure, felt my boobs, felt my belly fat and then spoke.
He explained that the Trams Flap surgery is my best option. My breasts will be made of my own tissue so it will feel natural and age with me naturally. It will also give me a tummy tuck and rid me of my baby belly that I have never been able to get rid of. He will make my breasts perkier and firmer but they may be a bit smaller than they are now (which I am fine with).
He explained that there is a chance the new tissue won't take to the breast area but it is a very small chance. He explained that I have no need to worry about being on the table for 8 hours (cringe) because the chance of dying from that is so small, I have a much higher chance of dying in a car accident on my way to the hospital (that made me feel better).
He told me I will be in the hospital for about 7 days after the surgery...3 of which they will want me to lay there to avoid disrupting the blood vessels, then after that, I will need to get up and walk around lightly to get blood flow to this are and avoid clots.
I asked him if the pain is manageable, and he said it was and if it is really bad, they can give me an epidural (yikes!) but I don't think I will need one, I have good pain tolerance I am just a baby about the gross stuff...like the drains and stuff :(...
The surgeon was quiet, but the nurse explained that he is that way but not to let it put us off, he is very detailed with his work and he takes his job very seriously...he always takes the challenging cases which don't pay anymore than the easy ones, so it is proof he does it cause he loves it and not for the money.
I believe her, and my oncologist highly recommends him, which is all I need to feel good.
Next the nurse took me into a little room and photographed me in my panties only..to get before shots for the surgery. I felt like a naked criminal in for a mug shot....lol.
The whole experience was very emotional. I kept thinking, why do I have to go through this at my age? Why me? and it's not fair....I had fantasies of me running away to a deserted island and hiding...like hiding would ensure my cancer would dissapear and never comeback.
The bottom line is I have NO CHOICE, and maybe that's where the anxiety stems from. The loss of control. I have no choice, I need to have this surgery done to ensure my cancer is gone and drastically reduce any chance of recurrence.
Verging on tears, we left the appointment and got in the elevator. When the door opened, out walked a young lady, probably 25, with a pink breast cancer scarf over her bald head....going in for her consult...
It isn't fair, and I broke down into tears.
It was a hard trip home, I did a lot of thinking and feeling sorry for all of us women who have to deal with these extremely stressful situations. Coping is hard.
I read a quote once that helps me cope, and reminds me to take a challenge and pull the good things from it, like I have been trying to do for months now...
"Don't let the Dark swallow you up..instead, light a candle."
We went to meet the plastic surgeon who will perform the major part of my surgery.
On the drive up to Kelowna (which I usually love) I started getting butterflies in my stomach.
This is all coming up so soon and I am starting to get scared...up until now, it was a distant plan of action, a "no big deal" so to speak. Now, I am starting to freak out.
When we rolled into town, we went for dinner and a movie. It's always a nice excuse for a date away from the kids...which has been very VERY rare lately.
We saw Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. It was fabulous!! I needed the laughs and I got them. I highly recommend this movie!!
The next day we went to the plastic surgery center.
It was fancy and a bit intimidating.
I had to fill out the necessary forms and wait.
Then we were taken into another room to watch a video on reconstruction options...it didn't have any gore, but it made it all so real, I started to feel panicky and my husband had to leave the room because he felt like he was going to puke and pass out.
It was just a lot of verbal explanation of where they take the fat and tissue from and how they reattach it and so on....plus they explained the complications one may have from the surgery.
I decided they should change the system. They should have you sign up for the surgery and signa waiver and then once you do, they will come int0 your room while you sleep on some random day, and gas you out without you knowing and do the surgery...surprise!
Because for me, the worst part of it all, is the anxiety leading up to it.
When the doctor finally came into the room, he examined me, measured me with a tape measure, felt my boobs, felt my belly fat and then spoke.
He explained that the Trams Flap surgery is my best option. My breasts will be made of my own tissue so it will feel natural and age with me naturally. It will also give me a tummy tuck and rid me of my baby belly that I have never been able to get rid of. He will make my breasts perkier and firmer but they may be a bit smaller than they are now (which I am fine with).
He explained that there is a chance the new tissue won't take to the breast area but it is a very small chance. He explained that I have no need to worry about being on the table for 8 hours (cringe) because the chance of dying from that is so small, I have a much higher chance of dying in a car accident on my way to the hospital (that made me feel better).
He told me I will be in the hospital for about 7 days after the surgery...3 of which they will want me to lay there to avoid disrupting the blood vessels, then after that, I will need to get up and walk around lightly to get blood flow to this are and avoid clots.
I asked him if the pain is manageable, and he said it was and if it is really bad, they can give me an epidural (yikes!) but I don't think I will need one, I have good pain tolerance I am just a baby about the gross stuff...like the drains and stuff :(...
The surgeon was quiet, but the nurse explained that he is that way but not to let it put us off, he is very detailed with his work and he takes his job very seriously...he always takes the challenging cases which don't pay anymore than the easy ones, so it is proof he does it cause he loves it and not for the money.
I believe her, and my oncologist highly recommends him, which is all I need to feel good.
Next the nurse took me into a little room and photographed me in my panties only..to get before shots for the surgery. I felt like a naked criminal in for a mug shot....lol.
The whole experience was very emotional. I kept thinking, why do I have to go through this at my age? Why me? and it's not fair....I had fantasies of me running away to a deserted island and hiding...like hiding would ensure my cancer would dissapear and never comeback.
The bottom line is I have NO CHOICE, and maybe that's where the anxiety stems from. The loss of control. I have no choice, I need to have this surgery done to ensure my cancer is gone and drastically reduce any chance of recurrence.
Verging on tears, we left the appointment and got in the elevator. When the door opened, out walked a young lady, probably 25, with a pink breast cancer scarf over her bald head....going in for her consult...
It isn't fair, and I broke down into tears.
It was a hard trip home, I did a lot of thinking and feeling sorry for all of us women who have to deal with these extremely stressful situations. Coping is hard.
I read a quote once that helps me cope, and reminds me to take a challenge and pull the good things from it, like I have been trying to do for months now...
"Don't let the Dark swallow you up..instead, light a candle."
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