And so I did.
I bawled ALL day yesterday.
Absolutely ALL DAY LONG!
I couldn't stop.
In hind sight, it's kinda funny. To think about me crying all day on the couch. I didn't move by the way.
But yesterday, I was really sad.
I should have blogged, being that emotional, but it would have been so depressing you all would have sent over a "suicide team" to my house.
It was ugly.
So, "Why?" you ask...
Well, I think it was a mixture of reasons.
I am feeling serious anxiety about tomorrow's "retry" of my chemo. Knowing I have a higher chance for an allergic reaction again, freaks me right out. That event was too scary to sign up for again, though I guess I have to.
I am done with the poking and prodding and compromising my health to cure my cancer.
I mean I am NOT done (I won't quit), but I am getting really sick of it.
I have had a cold for 3 months and it just keeps cycling over and over again.
It is exhausting!
I am getting really puffy now from my steroids. So when I look in the mirror, I see bald and now "fat"!!! I gained like 8 pounds last week in fluid retention from the drugs.
I know it's temporary and I will "deflate" after chemo, but seeing a fat bald lady in the mirror everyday isn't exactly the "cheerleader" I am looking for to cheer me on through my treatment!!
I pretty much just hit rock bottom yesterday. It all came crashing down at once. Maybe I needed the day to have my pity party and cry all day. Though, I kind of feel guilty, like I wasted a day of my life sulking.
Regardless, it's back to normal today. I am off to get groceries, walk my dogs and prepare for tomorrow's chemo.
I will blog more later today....
Til then!
Ciao.
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