Dream Creator

Dream Creator
My photo
Just a small town Canadian dreamer... This started as the diary of a young woman's experience with breast cancer and continues 5 years later as the diary of a woman, like many other, who has decided to take her lemons and make lemonade. **If reading this blog for the purpose of learning about my breast cancer experience, PLEASE START AT THE OLDEST POST (October 2009) AND WORK YOUR WAY FORWARD**

Thursday, April 1, 2010

My favorite things about having cancer...

I know, I know...
If you are currently going through a cancer experience and are not having a "good" day this Blog title has probably made you throw up a little in your mouth.
I get it!
I have had MANY a day where I don't think there is anything good about it at all.
But I am seeing the light a little here and having a good day and am ready to put a positive spin on a depressing word.

The GOOD things that come out of this experience...

http://www.folensblogs.com/psychcompanion/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/goggles.jpg

#1. The BEST thing in my eyes in the new outlook on life.
The "Cancer Goggles" (see above lol) we are given. I have spoken of this numerous time throughout my posts and in person to friends and family. But it is true. From seeing beauty in it simplest form, to appreciating the small stuff, to not stressing over the little things as much. It is all such a powerful eyeopening experience. And you know, if you read back to one of my first posts, I say that I have a lump and there was a part of me hoping it would be cancer so I could see life in this way....I hate that post. I feel ridiculous that I said that now, knowing how hard it has been and how serious of a comment it was. However, I may have needed this experience to be able to appreciate fully, the rest of journey through life. I am most definitely a happier and better person for it. TRULY.

#2. Making and Renewing connections with friends and family.
I have heard this one out of many people's mouths who have been through a cancer experience. This one is great. Not only have a rekindled bonds with old friends and family I have thought of regularily for years (but never written or emailed or called) but there are so many new people I have bonded with as well.
I used to have a bit of social anxiety and avoid contact with people even though I liked them...I would certainly not approach a stranger and ask to be friends!! But this experience has pulled my guard down and what a gift! I have met some AMAZING people through this and I know for me, that helping them and having them there to help me has been THE most important thing to get me through this...BAR NONE. I recommend it to anyone, to come out of your shell a bit and contact and old friend or family member, or make a new friend on a regular basis (Facebook is great for this) it is so refreshing and you rid yourself of a lot of guilty feelings....

#3. Knowing how much you are loved.
Touching in so many ways...this was especially true with respects to my husband. I mean, what a test!! The support and unconditional love is a gift I will NEVER forget.
Thank you to all the people who have shown it.
Thank you to my husband.



#4. More time with my kids.
More time and the time being higher QUALITY!! I have been able to spend "un-rushed" genuine time and moments with my kids. Now, not in the early months with all the tests and preparations for chemo, that was hard and hectic!! But once I settled into my chemo routine, it has been great. Even if I am feeling sick, just cuddling in bed with a movie and a chat had been rewarding and I am grateful for this...it had been all of their lives I had been too over worked and busy to appreciate the time. And now I have been able.
Grateful.

#5. Having a healthier outlook on life.
I do admit I struggle with this off and on. I like my comfort foods when I am not feeling good and when I AM feeling good, I forget I have cancer and want to slip into old habit (like too many cocktails with friends) but all in all, I have educated myself so highly now through reading and through friends tips and so on, that I feed myself and my family much better than ever! In general our home has become much a much healthier place to live. Less chemicals, less plastics, more eco-friendly and natural products...abundance of healthy foods and juices and supplements. Plus we move more (on my good days) the dog walking and geo-caching really work for us.
In general I see myself really getting fit once this (and mainly my big surgery) is all over with. I hope to be in the best physical shape of my life in a few years (starting soon!!).

#6. Living like it's my last few years on earth.
I know this sound depressing. In reality, I feel like I am going to live forever! However, I have seen the dark place. I know now, you just never know when your time is going to be up. It is a reality to me now. And so, I have changed my way of living....I was always spontaneous, but now it is different.
I guess I would call it a responsible, realistic "living in the moment". In one way, I am not going to compromise my daily quality of life in order to "get to retirement" as in, saving every penny for it, and working my ass off and never enjoying myself in order to splurge and relax later!! Because you JUST DON'T KNOW if you will make it to that day, Plus! it's not necessary. You can enjoy it all!! There is balance.
On the other hand, I am not going to live as frivolous as I did before...I appreciate the small things I have now, I am not out looking for the next thing to please me. I am creating a "quality of life nest" around me. I am simplifying and prioritizing what I need and want to be less stressed and calmer (then in turn happier) on a daily basis. THIS! Has been a great eye opening gift that I have needed for a long time. This is going to help pave my future of happiness and clarity.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/45/149998805_789c9b6d06_o.jpg

There truly are so many more things I could go on with, but most of them fall into one of these categories....for example, picking up on old hobbies again, getting in touch with charity, understanding people better, realizing our true friends...and so on.
So, I say, cancer is a real bitch. It is yucky and scary and yes, can kill you. It is a dark and bad place no one should have to experience. But! If you can reach in and pull out the good things, and search hard for what to be grateful for out of it, I think you have a better chance at survival.
At the very least you can be happy and positive for the majority (and I stress majority) of the ride.

No comments: