I have spent the last few days enjoying life.
Crazy geo-caching excursions with my husband that left me on the edge of a cliff over a river crying (I know, "enjoyment" you ask?)... and just poking around my yard soaking up the sun. It had been 27 degrees Celsius the last 2 days!! Not too shabby for April in Canada!

Yesterday I had a phone appointment with my specialist in Kelowna. She is the one who drew up my treatment regime that I have been following with my oncologist here in Nelson.
I called for this appointment to talk to her about the fact that I had my allergic reaction and therefore had interrupted her original regime. I wanted to see if I need to do 6 full cycles of the FEC drug I have been doing...or if it is even necessary, seeing as all my tests are clear of cancer and I am moving on to a mastectomy. I know it all sounds confusing but basically I wanted to know if the chemo at this point is doing more harm than good and if it is necessary that I continue with something that wasn't the original plan and is not as effective.
We spoke, and she was great. She said that it is completely reasonable to stop at 4 FEC (which I have already had) and continue with my mastectomy and my year of Herceptin. But she said I have another option and that is to try another taxane type drug that is still in studies....HELL NO! First off I am not a guinea pig and secondly my body doesn't like taxanes and I am not going to offer myself up for another allergic reaction when the last ones gave me asthma!! Then she said my third choice is to complete 6 of the FEC. When I asked her if this was even effective she replied...." we usually prescribe 4 cycles but if you tolerate the chemo well then we say why not 6, just in case."
I told her I have to stay in the hospital for my chemo and she seemed to think I was ok stopping at 4. Basically she can't tell me if the 5th and 6th chemo would benefit me more or damage me more because she can't tell if there is any cancer left in my body. She told me once I have my mastectomy, they will look at my tissue and nodes and if there is a significant amount of cancer that hasn't been killed by the chemo then she will put me back on chemo and suggest radiation as well. So the mastectomy is the real test!
I sat around trying to decide what to do. Personally I feel like I am cancer free and that stopping chemo, and focusing on my health (eating right, getting back on vitamins, getting back to qi gong and exercising properly, many of the things chemo has been stopping me from doing) will be more beneficial to me.
All in all, I believe the chemo did it's job and now it's time to do mine and rebuild my good cells and start to medicate myself with natural methods. I can't tell you how I am looking forward to taking vitamins again and being able to consume anti-oxidants and just live to help my body rather than sit back and let the poison take over, like I have the last 4 months....
HOWEVER, this was a hard decision to make, it's a gamble! I mean people keep reminding me, "What if there is one cancer cell left floating around your body and you need that last chemo!" first off, I don't appreciate the reminders or visuals of that. I am quite aware and think everyday of my life of that possibility. I just don't think you can live like that, I mean, even after 6, 8, 12 chemos this is a possibility, there is no magic number, when do you stop?....you'll drive yourself crazy thinking this way, it's not healthy.
I believe that if all of the tests have shown you to be cancer free, and in your gut you feel it...you must trust that feeling and live like you're free, it's the only way!!
I called my mom and husband after my phone meeting and discussed the conversation my specialist and I had and we all came to a consensus.
THE VERDICT:
I am going to meet option 1 and option 3 halfway, I am going to do ONE more chemo (for a total of 5) and then move on to my surgery and continue Herceptin (which apparently acts as a mild chemo over the course of a year, protecting me from recurrence and metastasizing) I am also going to go to my qi gong healer and get him to do some clean up on my body, as I believe he will clear me of any leftover cancerous energy that may be in me. Then, after surgery, FRESH START! Look out world!! I am going to get REALLY annoying with my health obsession...juices, veggies, diet, vitamins, super foods, yoga, swimming, qi gong, meditation, prayer....whoo wee!
THE BOTTOM LINE:
I can do this. I have had 9 months to sit in quiet and talk to god and myself and get really in tune with myself. I am and will continue to be cancer free...I am ready to live a long healthy, positive life. I vow to only do things that feel good to me and not over tax my body or mind again. I promise to try everyday to improve myself both emotionally and physically. I am ready to live again, in a new way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97df0Q5qxa8