Chemo #5....and not the last one yet...

Went in for Chemo 5 yesterday (and what I thought would be my last one) and man I was riddled with anxiety on this one....I always end up feeling like a child needing her mommy, I just stare out the window and try not to cry. It just makes me feel like a sick person and scared. I really really hate it. That's why a few weeks ago when a little boy came in for his chemo and screamed and cried, I could relate. The nurses kept saying, it's not that it hurts him. I knew that all along. It is that he is sick of being poked and prodded and just wants it to be over it. My inner kid is doing the same, though all I show is a small tear running down my cheek, the rest stays inside brewing in my gut.
It went fairly well tough over all. My friend D was in for her last chemo and her friend brought me some treats and D brought me a homemade necklace from a local girl PLUG: hojodesigns on Facebook or http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=121205667895666#!/group.php?gid=240514347061&ref=ts is the exact Facebook link....she has some beautiful things and does home parties I believe!! These things all cheered me up...
I did feel sorry for myself a bit, sometimes I see all of the support all of these other cancer friends of mine have and I feel a bit shunned. I mean, don't get me wrong I have a good tight little group of friends and family that have come in full force for me, but I am even having a hard time getting people to support and join our Relay for Life team....where I am seeing other cancer survivors with hundreds of people biting at the bit to join....I just wonder, is it because I am new to Nelson and don't know many people? Is it because my acquaintances are all young and busy? Is it because I didn't make a good enough impression or bond with these people when I was healthy and too busy? I think it's the latter. Which is something I can change in the future....I must make more time to love and help and smile and listen and come out of my comfort zone to meet new people and make new bonds....this I vow.
at my appointment my oncologist showed me the stats on doing my 6th chemo I was trying to get out of....he explained it does make a significant difference to complete it. Where as I was left with a different impression after talking to my specialist in Kelowna....I feel pretty good today after my 5th and I felt pretty good after my 4rth so I am going to get the last one in. I think I can handle it and then I can say I did everything they told me to, like a good little girl. My stay at the hospital was easier. And it makes all the difference in the world...I recommend it to anyone having a hard time. I feel refreshed and day 2 seems to feel more like day 5, which is a miracle. This I will do on my last cycle as well....
Lots of things coming up to look forward to, like trips and gardening and geocaching and the fair and get-togethers and camping!! I am excited, though it\s going to be a whirlwind, it will keep me busy!!
Love Love Love
Dreamer.