Dream Creator

Dream Creator
My photo
Just a small town Canadian dreamer... This started as the diary of a young woman's experience with breast cancer and continues 5 years later as the diary of a woman, like many other, who has decided to take her lemons and make lemonade. **If reading this blog for the purpose of learning about my breast cancer experience, PLEASE START AT THE OLDEST POST (October 2009) AND WORK YOUR WAY FORWARD**

Monday, October 26, 2009

Paro NOT Parros

Tonight we had our first Spanish lesson!!! We are fortunate to have this awesome guy Ben, come into our home and teach us Spanish every week, and tonight was our first meeting with him. He was great! Information overload but we took notes and I will study through the week and, this is something I really want, so I am going to put a lot of energy into it.
I have 2 days off starting tomorrow, so I am looking forward to relaxing. I have been feeling REALLY tired lately, don't know if it's due to my health or just change of season. It snowed today. First snowfall of the year.
Yes, it's beautiful....to look at.....in a PHOTO!!! I don't like being cold!!
But I do like a wood, fire, and the smell of it through the crisp air. That's nice. I am quickly becoming aware of all of the things I will miss or not have once we make our transition. Some things I feel sad about, and some I am excited for. Either way, it is a compromise.
No call from the hospital today.
Yesterday I cried. I broke down. I thought of my kids and I lost it.
I admit, I am a little scared, but hopefully it is just a lump.
til' morrow'
buenos noches!

Sunday, October 25, 2009


Wizard of Oz just started playing on the televison..."there's no place like home?" is this a sign?
Don't think so.
Well, well well. A lot has happened this last few days since I posted. Late Thursday night I was getting ready for bed and I was doing a self breast exam (I do this often as there is quite a history of breast cancer in my family) and much to my surprise I felt a lump. I felt it again, maybe I was wrong, maybe it was part of my breast....no, that is not normal. a lump. I thought I was going to be sick, I felt like I was spinning on a merry go round'. You see, this caused major panic because my Mom just recovered from breast cancer and so did my 27 year old friend....this was too much a reality for me.
I hoped I would go to the doctor's and he would touch it and instantly tell me it was nothing. My beautiful husband booked me an appointment. It didn't go as I had planned. Apparently there is something foreign there, but he can't tell if it is just a cyst or what, so I am now waiting for a call from the Nelson hospital for a biopsy and ultrasound.
Feelings around this have ranged from helpless panic (mostly when I think of my kids) to fearlessness, and belief it is nothing... ("MEH!") to anger.
I get and have always gotten really angry about the "hoopla" surrounding Breast Cancer.
I feel like people celebrate it, and cash in and profit from it. Do you know how many times I have found a pink ribbon on something at a store and there is no mention that there is any proceeds donated to research?? It is common. And even if they do donate, I feel like it is still a ploy to make a sale and all of the intentions are selfish. I also believe a lot in manifestation and I feel like there is SO much energy focusing on breast cancer in general that it can't be good. And maybe we should be focusing on "prevention research" rather than "cure" because if we are focusing on a cure, then we are manifesting people to actually get the disease...!!!
Do I sound CRAZY?? I don't know, but I have felt this way since even before my Mom was diagnosed. And now that I have a scare, it REALLY annoys me. Where I work, we are all supposed to dress up in Pink and support breast cancer and I feel like it is a slap in my face , like everyone is "supporting" and "celebrating" it. I am trying to turn my attitude around, but it's hard. I just wish it wasn't such a money making "fad", it affects some of us VERY personally, and shouldn't be made light of.
So this event had me thinking..."What if?" would this change everything?? Maybe. But if this turns out to be cancer. I will fight it with no problem. Because I have an agenda, and noone gets in the way of what I want. I will fight, and recover and continue on with my life with more of a fearlessness and drive than ever.
There's no place like home??
There's no place like MEXICO!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Peace, Love and Mexico

Yesterday was another day at work to fill most of my hours but then we all hopped in the car and drove a half hour to the movie theater. I love that it takes us a journey to go to a film. These are the things I love in life. This is why I know I will love small town Mexico. It seems like more of a treat when it isn't at your finger tips.
We watched "Where The Wild Things Are" and I thought it was fantastic! It really hit home with me, in fact, I was crying within the first 10 minutes!! I spoke to me so loud and clear about life, my life, and childrens lives. There is a scene in the beginning where this little boy just dying for companionship and a playmate (as most kids do on a daily basis) is trying to get the attention of his Mom ,who is too busy and stressed about bills and work (as most of us are). She is pretty much ignoring him, and he just lays there under her desk, playing with her stocking, looking at her. It killed me! I live that everyday! The boy is just so desperate for her attention, and she wants to give him all her attention but can't stop stressing and then she feels guilty and so on...

It is my life. It was my life as a child (being the boy) and it is my life now, (being the mom). I sobbed so hard, I thought I would have to leave my seat. I guess my guilt is bigger and badder than I thought. But IS there a magical place where things are different? Where the stresses are less and children and parents meet on a middle ground with out, guilt, resentment and a forced smile? I believe there is and it is part of my motivation. Don't get me wrong, I know you can make small sacrifices and changes TODAY to help the relationship between mother and child...but, for it to be more natural, you need to simplify your life and be in a place that makes you smile from the moment you open your eyes, and wraps around and warms you like a fuzzy blanket.

When I got home from the movie, I had a reply to an ad I had posted for Spanish lessons. Looks like I found us a personal Spanish tutor to come into our home and help us learn. He sounds great and has had lots of experience travelling through Meixco and Latin America plus he has studied Spanish his whole life, so I am excited to get started.

Lets see what today brings me all bundled up with a bow. It is day one of two days off and I am going to milk it, as I always do, so I may write more today, as an outlet.

Peace Love and Mexico.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Back to the Grind!!

After having 5 delicious days off (I haven't slept like that since I was 15 years old!) I am officially heading back to work today. I am not really sure how i feel about it. Though I love the challenge of my job and all of the people I work with, I just can't stop dreaming of Mexico. I love to spend a whole day reading about the lifestyle and looking at the real estate online. Truly, I can spend an entire day doing this, with a continuous cup of joe and be perfectly content.
13 hours later....
On my way to work, I looked around at this beautiful place I live in, the mountains, lush forests, moss and vegetation oozing out of every cobblestone cranny that forms this historic mining town I have called home (for only two years) Only 2 years! Is there something wrong with me? Why am I so ancy all of the time? Elders have always frowned upon my natural ways like I have some sort of problem. I have thought at different times I may have adult ADD, maybe I am running from something? (can't think of anything) Or maybe I don't like who I am and I am looking for a distraction. That's my favorite one. People always say if someone can't settle down it's because they don't want the chance to look at their lives and look in the mirror because they know they wont like what they will see. Hmmmm, don't think so, but you never know.
Basically I have always looked at life as an hour glass and I just want to EXPERIENCE! And the famous saying is, if it feels good, do it! Well, Mexico feels REAL good! And I want my life to be "extra"ordinary. I don't want to have years of boredom or lull, I want diversity for my kids too! I want my life to be something that can be written about in the end, and have people enthralled with it!
Sidetracked: So as I was admiring my current surroundings on my way to work, I thought to myself, "Self, it is so important to be grateful for the present and live for the moment, and though you have this dream, which WILL happen (with my track record, sooner rather than later) though you have this dream, you need to love where you are at right now, this moment or all of your adventures will be nothing but a second of thrill and then the longing for wanting more"
MAN! This was an Ah ha moment for me and the best advice I have ever given myself. There is nothing wrong with a goal, but what fun is it to acheive if the entire road there, I am miserable? And true, I am blessed in the present, I have nothing to be miserable right now, and though lying on the beach is in my blood, I will get there faster and happier and less exhausted if I am positive and enjoy every step along the way.
Thank you Life!
Giddy Up!

Monday, October 12, 2009


Well! I feel like I have been staring at lasers for the last 5 hours, but no, I haven't, I have been reading blogs! I started my day (going on 4th day off of work) with a cup of coffee, and my favorite hobby, dreaming of MEXICO! I love searching on the internet for real estate in Mexico and any info on moving and relocating to Sunny Paradise (MEXICO). You see, my husband and I have been there only 3 times in the last 2 years, but we both feel a connection to the people and culture (and of course a major connection to the margaritas) and we have made our goal to move there. We're not sure exactly when, it changes between 13 years (when my daughter turns 18) OR 5 years, or even 3 years (when our mortgage is up and we can sell). Regardless, the hunt is on, for the right place and the knowledge of what we need and have to do in order get our dream to happen.

I have searched the internet numerous times for info on relocating, immigration, real estate, jobs and such and have not had much luck.........until today! I somehow started on a documentary site for "Lost and Found in Mexico" a documentary I need to see!! and then from there, I went to a website for

casita de las flores blogs: san miguel de allende

which was soooo sweet! It reminded me of "Under the Tuscan Sun" but better, cause it's Mexico! So that was inspiration #2!
Next, I found my way to www.mayanliving.com where there was a lot of great places for great prices! I found the site easy to get around on and was thankful for that. So, I emailed one of the realtors in hopes of having a contact to help me in the future and possibly answer some questions I had. Teresa, was AWESOME! She emailed back right away and answered some questions and forwarded her blog which I find "DREAMY" beach bum in the yucatan is the name of her blog.
I wonder if I love it so much because she is living where I want to move to and I am vicariously living through her?, But I can visualize everything she writes about!! I read every post she had, smiling the whole time!! Then I moved on to inspiration #4 (Teresa was #3) Canuck in Cancun!
What a blasty-blast. She is so funny and easy to relate to. I don't like it quite as much because I am not a major fan of Cancun and don't like imagining it as much. However, it is fun reading about her outings and experiences of all of the places I have been to, and love....such as Akumel Beach, Azul Cenotes and so on.....
Now I'm here. I am going to do my own blog. My journey to achieving my dream. My path from here to there. Let's see how long it takes, and all I get to go through along the way. Maybe my blog will help others with their journey. Because I tell, ya, those blogs were not just entertainment, but they gave me more honest, genuine, info on the transition into life in Mexico than any shitty website I have stumbled upon. So I am jumping on the bandwagon...."here I go!!!!"

Ciao for now.
PS. get used to to the poor spelling, sentence structure and grammer....I don't have time to spell check if I am going to do this everyday, so if it bothers you. Don't read it. ;)