Dream Creator

Dream Creator
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Just a small town Canadian dreamer... This started as the diary of a young woman's experience with breast cancer and continues 5 years later as the diary of a woman, like many other, who has decided to take her lemons and make lemonade. **If reading this blog for the purpose of learning about my breast cancer experience, PLEASE START AT THE OLDEST POST (October 2009) AND WORK YOUR WAY FORWARD**

Monday, May 23, 2011


You can only play Denial Hide and Seek for so long until
The Truths find you again...
crawl up under your skin and strike up the goosebumps
the fears,
the possible truths.
You are NOT normal.
You are NEVER safe.
You are ALWAYS at risk.
Don't let your guard down.
don't dress up and play pretend.
you are different.
you always need to be on guard.
this is your life.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Livin' the dream!

May 19th was the last chemo I had...one year ago.
Big things have happened in my life since!
Things are good.
Very good.
My heart is better. I went off caffiene and I have only had a few thumps here and there. Nothing major.
I still haven't had time to see my doctor about my test results. To see if I have thyroid issues. However, seeing as the palps have stopped, I assume I'm good.
Yes. I repeat, life has been busy.
And seeing as I related my chaotic previous life to my previous diagnosis of cancer...I feel a little nervous these days.
I have been having weird periods too.
Short, light ones that only really last about 2 days.
This is abnormal for me who always had regular 6 day heavier periods.
Not sure if it's because the chemo had had an affect on my system or not, but they just recently started changing, a while after chemo...hmmm...not sure.
I have also had a few weird tinges and aches coming from what I would assume would be my ovary. Usually my right one.
Now I am almost certain it is nothing and I am noticing it more because of my obvious risk for ovarian cancer...but I still feel it and it's a bit unnerving.
Originally I had planned on having my hysterectomy in June, but I have changed my mind.
I want to enjoy some of my summer so I am going to have the surgery early September.
It was a LONG winter and now that the sun is out, I want to soak it up and LIVE!!
College will be done soon, so that means I will only have ONE job soon and have more free time to relax and fish and camp and just be.
Just be...something I put off for far too long this year.
Something I will try to never put off again.
Though I don't regret my taking on of the teaching job (it has been one of the best things I have ever done) it was hard on me and after what I have been through, I maybe shouldn't have gone there and loaded my plate so full.
Live and learn.
Having my own hair studio now is proving to be FANTASTIC!
I am super busy with clients and walk-ins and loving my own space.
Being my creative me, in my own way, on my own time...the definition of success? When you can't tell the difference between work and play.
Still working on the finishing touches but it seems like it will be a great success!
I am proud of it.
I still think about my cancer....I still talk about it from time to time and I still share my story when the time is right or just when I feel like I want to talk about it.
It is becoming more rare as time goes on.
But it will always have it's mark on me. It has shaped who I am today.
In good ways and bad.

All in all?
Living the dream and loving it.