pooped.

You get it?
Blahhh, today was brutal.
I did get a lot of things accomplished, but it was hell out there.
First of all, why was town so busy today? I felt like I was living in a major city!!
My daughter is still sick with a stomach bug after 5 days....so I decided to take her to see the doctor. We had so many other things to do along the way...
Pick up the dog from the groomers.
Go to the hospital for pre-chemo blood work.
Walk the dogs.
Eat lunch.
Buy toques for my sore head, cause I can't wear my wig for longer than 1hr before it is hurting me (I think I need a wig cap)
Go to the post office.
Go to the toy store.
Go to Walmart.
Get a few groceries.
Take my daughter to the doctor.
All the while, I am on my Ondancatron. (sp?) because I have chemo tomorrow and my nurse wants me to start taking my anti-nauseants early. They make me really groggy and tired.
Also, my wig was hurting all morning and Lily was trying to put hats on me in front of everyone in the clothing store, almost ripping off my wig!
I did buy a few nice soft toques, and when we left the store I immediately ripped the wig off and put a toque on.
I kept running into people I know as well. It sucks!! Some of them I don't care, but some I don't want to see with no hair. Plus, a lot of them haven't seen me since my diagnosis and they have heard the news so I get the weird akward look and smile. BLAH!
Then, to top it all off, there is a major outbreak of whooping cough in my town. I have made the assumption that I have had the vaccine (as I assume it was standard in my childhood) but I know my daughter is behind on her vaccines. So of course while I am standing in line at the grocery store, the lady in front of me says aloud. "Make sure you wipe everything down after I leave because I have whooping cough and I am contagious."
Are you fricking kidding me?
I was so infuriated, I wanted to scream at her "I am a chemo patient and if you are carrying a contagious disease maybe you should stay at home you idiot, you could kill some people!!" I realized after, I probably couldn't catch it from her, but it is the principle, and what about my daughter? I am already worried about her being ill. Man, people suck.
Germs are harsh when you have cancer. You are constantly aware of them. Everything you touch you think of germs, everyone you see sneeze or cough, you think of germs. Watching your kids put things in their mouths, or rub their faces and hands on public benches or dirty windows, makes you crazy. It's brutal. I just don't want to get sick, cause I need to stay on schedule for my treatments. And I can't have my kids get sick because I can't take care of them (or I shouldn't at least) because I can't risk catching it. Plus, I am physically unable to take care of them for the week of my treatment, cause I'm so tired and nauseous.
When I finally got Lily to the doctor's office and they put us in a private room, I took my toque off and a shit pile (yes that's right, a shit-pile) of hair came off on it. It was like it was velcro or something! I could see it all on the inside of the hat and when I look in the mirror now I am so patchy.
All in all, I felt like a cancer victim today. I really felt like my disease affected my life today. Slowed me down, made me insecure, and created anxiety.
But tomorrow I make progress and get chemo #2.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day.