I have been losing my tolerance for people lately.
People I don't know, people I know well, all people in general.
It is cancer related, this I know.
Here are the top 10 things that make my days harder.
1. "Did you breast feed?" If one more person asks me this when they find out I have breast cancer, I am going to officially lose my shit. This is SO RUDE. Think about it you idiot, you are basically telling me that you think I gave myself cancer. Especially when it is the first thing you say when you find out, not "I'm sorry" or "are you ok?" My husband has even been asked this question. BTW, No I did not breast feed...do you drink? Well then you will get breast cancer, because drinking is related to breast cancer as well, so is pesticides, nitrates and a million other things so screw off.
2. Stop asking things of me. I know I am not "dying", but I have had 2 major surgeries, and I just found out that I have cancer, all within the last 6 weeks. I am going through a lot and am really physically and mentally exhausted. So stop asking me for things, like haircuts and to babysit your kids and to find you old documents that you know will take me hours to look for, when it is for your own business and you are more than capable of doing it yourself. I don't need anymore on my plate right now and it stresses me out to say "no". Maybe ask me to lunch or to go for a walk...
3. Stop telling me not to get chemo. This one really hurts. I agree that chemo is disgusting and I am a strong (but new) believer in holistic health. But I am no gambler. This is MY life, I have kids I need to think of and I am NOT going to take a chance on putting all my eggs into the "natural" basket. I have researched and seen the proof of chemo working and will do ALL (holistic and western) methods of treatment to save my life. Who are you to scare me by telling me how bad chemo is? Don't you think I am already terrified about the whole thing? And who are you to judge me, do you have cancer?? Is it your life?? I bet if you were in my shoes you'd think a lot harder about making the "hip"choice. So get some tact.
4. Stop with the "sad eyes" please respect me but don't pity me. I see it on your face and it makes me feel uncomfortable. If I am lying in my death bed, then "sad eyes" are allowed.
5. Stop pointing out what I can't have. Whether it's "let's get drunk" or "want a hot dog?" please think before you speak. Ok, I'm sorry, this is not really your fault. You are used to "healthy Megan" and you might even be uneducated on cancer diets. But every time I get offered something I can't have or the chance to party (which I can't) it makes me want to cry. Probably my issue, not yours.
6. Please don't talk about my cancer when you have no idea what you are talking about. I don't know how many people have told me things like "you can get remission treatments" or "at least you're going to be ok" First off, remission is not a treatment, it is a state you are in when you are free of cancer. And saying "at least you are going to be ok" after my first lumpectomy and results of it being cancer, is a little premature. I mean, I like the idea, but I just don't know yet. I STILL don't even know if the all of the cancer has been removed from my breast and this is after 2 surgeries and 2 lumps now.
7. Stop ignoring my husband. Especially if you are family or friends. My husband probably has as many issues going through his brain and heart right now as I do. Please don't assume he is ok. He needs a little empathy right now also, so #1 on my list applies to him as well. I love him so much. grateful.
8. Stop recommending things to me I can't (most people couldn't) afford. Like fancy schmancy treatment centers not covered my health care or equipment that costs thousands of dollars....really? we have lost a total of $1100.00 income per month since I was diagnosed, I am pinching to buy groceries right now, let alone a fricking trip to Honalulu for a spiritual awakening conference (though I'd love to go , if you are paying) :)
9.Ok nine and ten are going to be positive things you do that I love.
9. Keep the emails and notes, links and messages coming!! I love to hear from you all, even if it is just a little smiley or heart shape post on facebook, it fills my "love meter" and helps me get through my days, and I have gathered a lot of useful info from your links...thank you!
10. Thank you again and again to those of you who have taken time to bless us with your good deeds. Whether is has been a financial donation or offering to walk our dogs, or take our kids for the night (Nana and Grandad you are #1 on this list!!) it all helps so much and we appreciate your generosity. Thank you a million time over!
Sorry if this post was a little harsh. But these are real feelings. And I am sure anyone who has been through an illness has had these feelings (gosh, I think I have evn been a culprit of a number of these things in the past). Luckily though, all in all, I see the good in what people do, I understand people don't mean harm (most the time) and are trying to help. But maybe this post will help with your choice of actions in the future ;)
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