Today is the day I go to my surgeon's office to find out my results from my last surgery...I hope I get all of my questions answered...I should find out...
a) if my second lump (the surprise lump) was cancer
b) if the lump was new and the result of highly agressive cancer or old and overlooked
c) if there were margins...basically if there is still cancer in my breast which will then tell me if I need another surgery, or mastectomy which then in turn, will lead me to choose a double mastectomy (I have made the choice so far, that if I need a mastectomy, I will just do a double)
d) if there is spresding of the cancer in my body OR if my lymph nodes were clear.
e) how many nodes did they take? did they take enough to cover the "new" lump?
So, this will be good...these answers then show me a bit more of the path I will be taking over the next 6 months...I can't believe how long it is taking to get an appointment with my oncologist. The oncologist is the KEY to unlocking all the answers and what path I will be taking.
Last night I had a breakdown. it had been a while. In fact I have had a few little cries here and there, but I haven't really had a big one. Til last night. I have felt lately, like my husband doesn't want to talk about it. at least not all of the time, though it is on my mind, ALL OF THE TIME!!
So I have been holding it in, but last night when I started to talk about how scared I am, he shut off the TV and gave me his full attention and walked me through a breakdown. I got all of my fears and feelings off of my chest and he talked to me, reasoned with me, and helped me through. It was such a healthy release for me and made me feel so much better. Hopefully that breakdown will last me a while and I won't have to put him through that again for a while.
Ok, well I am going to try to declutter my closet and get ri of some things I haven't worn in a while...I will be blogging tonite or tomorrow to update.
Ciao.
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