Chaos

What a day

Everything normal until 3:00 when I decided (with my sore arm and boob) to walk my dogs.

I went just a 2 minute car ride to a wooded spot I usually go to just off the highway.

Dogs walked well, exercising and burning energy. I walked well too, despite my limited mobility.Until, Shabba (my big beefy boy dog) found a bone. Sheeba (my hyper active girl dog) (and NO I did not name them those names...I named Shabba and Sheeba was already named when we got her)Sheeba saw the bone and wanted it, and Shabba was not going to let up. It was wild game and was like heroin in his jaws.I didn't care much, until it was time to get home. I had left the kids at home and didn't like leaving them long by themselves, though my son is perfectly competent and 4 months away from his babysitter course. I tried to get the dogs in the van and Sheeba happily obliged, but Shabba, no way in hell.He thought I was going to take his bone away.
Usually if I get in the van and start to drive away slowly, he will freak out and come running after me and then when I stop he'll get in, not this time! I'd drive he'd run, I'd stop, he'd run...I'd drive further up and down the mountain and continued to do so for 25 minutes and each time, he'd grab his bone and run away....Finally I thought, "screw this!" I needed to get home to the kids and my body was so sore still, so I had no choice...I would get home and wait til my husband got home and he could hopefully go back and get him....I started to drive away but of course, he followed me "On to the HIGHWAY!!" I kept driving (I had to, there were cars behind me now) I could see him running at the side of the road, and I cringed and kept on home. I was STRESSED out, the thought of him getting hit by a car killed me inside...so I frantically ran into the house when my son said to me "Chris is on his way to fix the broken tile in the kitchen, and your doctor called, he has the results of your test, you need to call him right away before they close."

WOW, talk about hittin' me with it all at once!!
I think my stress level went through the roof.
Ok, I called my husband, frantically explained the dog situation, he said he'd deal with it.
Then I called my doc. The important part of the story.

So the guy I called back was not my surgeon, he was my family doctor (my surgeon was on holidays). He told me that he felt like he should call me to give me some news to have over the holidays, because my next appointment wouldn't be until the 5th of Jan. He told me the path report was very in depth and long and he isn't very comfortable reading them, so not to take his interpretation as gospel. BUT!!!! He said my nodes were clear. That he knew for sure. The only problem? How many nodes were taken, and because of the new lump, did they take those sentinel nodes also? Or ARE those the same sentinel nodes? Questions I will find answers to on the 5th, but on my mind...
Then I said, was the second lump cancerous? He said yes, it looked like it was saying it was cancerous...then he said something unnerving "The problem I am seeing with this report is that usually you will see somewhere the status of the nodes (clear) and then that the margins are clear (meaning the tissue they took out around the lumps was free of cancer) This is important because if everything they remove is cancerous that basically means there is still more cancer in my breast and they would AGAIN have to do another surgery (or maybe at this point a mastectomy). He could not find anywhere on this report that my margins are clear. GREAT.
I asked him if the lump was new or old and he swayed toward the idea of it being written that it seemed new (not good, a lump growing that fast, is extremely rare and means the cancer is ridiculously aggressive) He also told me that it was looking like I have the gene. This means (I think) the BRCA gene meaning I would have a great risk for recurrence in the same or other breast, ultimately meaning a mastectomy in my future.
Now I don't wanna get ahead of myself here....he was giving his "interpretation only" and then from there I placed my interpretations and I am not even close to properly educated so, this could all change come the 5th. But at least I would take the good news into my Xmas holidays with me and wallow in it. Yes, maybe I won't truly know the truth until the 5th but what I do know now ?
"What a fricking day!!"
Absolute chaos.
Wish I was laying on a beach with a margarita.
MEXICO (the light at the end of the tunnel)