Well, it's almost Christmas, and with it almost being time for my surgery (2 sleeps) and lymphnode biopsy, I am scrambling to get as much done as I can before I am out of commission AGAIN! So because I was in Alberta last week (visiting my fam) I have major to do...I woke up at 5am thins morning feeling ready to take it all on. I felt the need to confront my co-workers as they have been trying to connect with me since this all went down and all I have given them was some facebook time. I was avoiding it because I sometimes feel like a circus freak, and I know everyone wants a piece andI am low key on a good day. Regardless, I convinced my son to come with me and we stopped in. Iam glad I did, now I feel like I can go in there anytime and will be ok. Plus, it prevents them all from stopping by my house (which I just hate) I like my privacy and I never know when I am going to be in a sad place and crying and then DING DONG! Just an overall invasion if you ask me. I did a little juicing today with my new juicer, that was yummy, and I bought some organic cane sugar to do some Xmas baking that I can eat without as much guilt (I found out cancer feeds 98% off of sugar alone)
When I was in Alberta I bought a book called "Beating Cancer with Nutrition" and researched the shit out of what foods and vitamins are best for me and worst. Plus I have a friend who is 2 years ahead of me and had B/C as well before 30 so she fills me in on all the goods...walked my dogs, bought an Xmas tree, decorated it, had a few crys, you know, the usual.
My kids were awesome this year, I don't know if it is because I am seeing things more clearly or what but they seemed so extra stoked on Xmas today. I loved watching them sing to carols on my CD, and crack nuts with the cracker and decorate the tree...etc...it made me happy and it made me scared. I better not be really sick.
So Tuesday is surgery day and I find out whether I have any cancer left, if it had spread and how much (staging of my cancer) So far I am a stage one, grade three (dirty buggers)..everyone seems confident that I will be fine and have no spreading, but I don't trust anyone hunches anymore except my own. Last surgery my doc told me my lump looked benign and to not worry, and now look.
My hunch, you ask? I feel like I will have good news and bad news still to come. With the good out weighing the bad. I guess the bad is that either way, I have to go through chemo and Radiation....and I found out that I may go through early menopause from it all. FUN! Anyways, I am going to lock myself in the land of IPOD (Joshua Radin) and close my eyes and drift. I have one day left to clean and prepare for my big day.
peace, love and dreams of Mexico.
soon.
below, a postcard from postsecret.com
i felt i could relate.
When I was in Alberta I bought a book called "Beating Cancer with Nutrition" and researched the shit out of what foods and vitamins are best for me and worst. Plus I have a friend who is 2 years ahead of me and had B/C as well before 30 so she fills me in on all the goods...walked my dogs, bought an Xmas tree, decorated it, had a few crys, you know, the usual.
My kids were awesome this year, I don't know if it is because I am seeing things more clearly or what but they seemed so extra stoked on Xmas today. I loved watching them sing to carols on my CD, and crack nuts with the cracker and decorate the tree...etc...it made me happy and it made me scared. I better not be really sick.
So Tuesday is surgery day and I find out whether I have any cancer left, if it had spread and how much (staging of my cancer) So far I am a stage one, grade three (dirty buggers)..everyone seems confident that I will be fine and have no spreading, but I don't trust anyone hunches anymore except my own. Last surgery my doc told me my lump looked benign and to not worry, and now look.
My hunch, you ask? I feel like I will have good news and bad news still to come. With the good out weighing the bad. I guess the bad is that either way, I have to go through chemo and Radiation....and I found out that I may go through early menopause from it all. FUN! Anyways, I am going to lock myself in the land of IPOD (Joshua Radin) and close my eyes and drift. I have one day left to clean and prepare for my big day.
peace, love and dreams of Mexico.
soon.
below, a postcard from postsecret.com
i felt i could relate.
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