So a more detailed description of my day, not because I think you want to read it but because I am up at 1am, wide awake with a shitload on my mind and it would be good therapy to get it out.
ready set go...
I woke up today feeling decent, knowing I had a trip to the doctors this afternoon, but after my surgery he told me twice that he wasn't concerned and my lump looked benign, so after that I have felt fine. I was looking forward to going the hours drive so I could go to a department store that I love, that we don't have here where I live. I decided I would take my daughter, so to treat her to McDonalds, (a novelty we also don't have here, probably for the best!!) and I wanted the company. Normally I would force my husband to take the day off (any excuse) and have him come with me in case it was bad news or whatever, But I was only expecting the doc to look at my scar and say "It's healing well, and you're cancer-free" so, I thought my daughter would be perfect company. I packed up my dogs to walk them before heading out and after a gorgeous (BRISK) walk (I live in Canada, in the mountains) I decided I didn't want to drive the 10 minutes out of my way to drop the dogs back off at home. They could come with, it would be a quick drive back home after my 3:40pm appointment.
Shopped, (found some sweet deals, 3 big bags of loot for $25 CDN) some Xmas gifts, some stuff for me and some threads for my neglected spouse :(
Then it was time for the doc. Rolled in with my 6 year old, dogs are starting to get ancy now but I'll be in and out in no time and a fairly quick drive home...
Go in, sit, daughter plays...
Doc comes out to call us in and seemed weird about my daughter being there, I thought maybe it cause he'd feel weird looking at my breast with her in the room, I told him she was fine to be with us.
I didn't clue in, until he shut the door and said "I was absolutely SHOCKED by your results!" I thought "What does that mean?" but when I remembered him basically telling me my lump was cancer -free (from looking at it) then I knew, he could only be shocked if it WASN'T cancer-free...I said "You're kidding!"
he "No, I am not."
I laughed (and it's a good thing I did because my daughter was in the room and had no idea there was a problem) Anyways, he explained the cancer to me and I kept smiley and cheery for the most part, I don't know why, I think I was scared to cry in front of a stranger, AND my daughter, I was also in shock...so he thought I was ok and said goodbye to me and as I walked out of the office with my daughter in tow, I felt dizzy, and a panicky need to call my husband. I was in a weird town one hour away from my home town and how was I going to drive...all I needed was to talk to someone and tell someone. But I don't own a cellphone. I cancelled it way back because I never used it and hated the idea of people being able to reach me when I didn't want them to....idiot.
I got on the elevator and fought the urge to cry. I got off the elevator and walked into the pharmacy and asked them where the nearest payphone was, because noone was going to let me use their regular phone for long distance!! SHIT!!!!!!
They told me the rink, but I didn't know where that was, I was officially having a nightmare. Stuck in a foreign place, alone in the cold, with my daughter and 2 ancy dogs with no phone and no idea where a phone was and a huge burden on my chest...I couldn't breathe! But I had to , because I had to pretend everything was ok, in front of my daughter. NIGHTMARE!!
Finally I find a 711 store, I tell my kid and dogs to wait in the car and I get out to use the phone. I don't have a calling card so I called collect to my house, no answer. it was 4:30 and my husband gets off at 4:30, so he wouldn't be home til at least 4:45...shit. I called my sister in Alberta collect...it wouldn't work, apparantly her phone doesn't accept collect calls...NOW I am freaking out, and cold to boot! I go into the store, and buy a calling card (everything seemed to be so hard and take SOOOOOOO long, like time stopped) I take the calling card outside and scratch off the pin number area, and SCRATCH THE NUMBER RIGHT OFF!!! Are you KIDDING me!!
Needless to say, it was the WORST day of my life thus far. It was like a bad dream. I finally got a hold of my in-laws to drive to where I was to pick me up and drive me home while I bawled....
the rest was a blur...I told everyone I could as fast as I could (I don't know why, it's just what I felt like I needed to do) my husband hugged me, my kids were fine doing there own thing downstairs ...my mom, who just recovered from breast cancer a year ago, was sweet but sad. So now I have been awake all night, thinking, crying, worrying....
**This post was written on December4th - 1AM, but edited and posted today Dec 5 
ready set go...
I woke up today feeling decent, knowing I had a trip to the doctors this afternoon, but after my surgery he told me twice that he wasn't concerned and my lump looked benign, so after that I have felt fine. I was looking forward to going the hours drive so I could go to a department store that I love, that we don't have here where I live. I decided I would take my daughter, so to treat her to McDonalds, (a novelty we also don't have here, probably for the best!!) and I wanted the company. Normally I would force my husband to take the day off (any excuse) and have him come with me in case it was bad news or whatever, But I was only expecting the doc to look at my scar and say "It's healing well, and you're cancer-free" so, I thought my daughter would be perfect company. I packed up my dogs to walk them before heading out and after a gorgeous (BRISK) walk (I live in Canada, in the mountains) I decided I didn't want to drive the 10 minutes out of my way to drop the dogs back off at home. They could come with, it would be a quick drive back home after my 3:40pm appointment.
Shopped, (found some sweet deals, 3 big bags of loot for $25 CDN) some Xmas gifts, some stuff for me and some threads for my neglected spouse :(
Then it was time for the doc. Rolled in with my 6 year old, dogs are starting to get ancy now but I'll be in and out in no time and a fairly quick drive home...
Go in, sit, daughter plays...
Doc comes out to call us in and seemed weird about my daughter being there, I thought maybe it cause he'd feel weird looking at my breast with her in the room, I told him she was fine to be with us.
I didn't clue in, until he shut the door and said "I was absolutely SHOCKED by your results!" I thought "What does that mean?" but when I remembered him basically telling me my lump was cancer -free (from looking at it) then I knew, he could only be shocked if it WASN'T cancer-free...I said "You're kidding!"
he "No, I am not."
I laughed (and it's a good thing I did because my daughter was in the room and had no idea there was a problem) Anyways, he explained the cancer to me and I kept smiley and cheery for the most part, I don't know why, I think I was scared to cry in front of a stranger, AND my daughter, I was also in shock...so he thought I was ok and said goodbye to me and as I walked out of the office with my daughter in tow, I felt dizzy, and a panicky need to call my husband. I was in a weird town one hour away from my home town and how was I going to drive...all I needed was to talk to someone and tell someone. But I don't own a cellphone. I cancelled it way back because I never used it and hated the idea of people being able to reach me when I didn't want them to....idiot.
I got on the elevator and fought the urge to cry. I got off the elevator and walked into the pharmacy and asked them where the nearest payphone was, because noone was going to let me use their regular phone for long distance!! SHIT!!!!!!
They told me the rink, but I didn't know where that was, I was officially having a nightmare. Stuck in a foreign place, alone in the cold, with my daughter and 2 ancy dogs with no phone and no idea where a phone was and a huge burden on my chest...I couldn't breathe! But I had to , because I had to pretend everything was ok, in front of my daughter. NIGHTMARE!!
Finally I find a 711 store, I tell my kid and dogs to wait in the car and I get out to use the phone. I don't have a calling card so I called collect to my house, no answer. it was 4:30 and my husband gets off at 4:30, so he wouldn't be home til at least 4:45...shit. I called my sister in Alberta collect...it wouldn't work, apparantly her phone doesn't accept collect calls...NOW I am freaking out, and cold to boot! I go into the store, and buy a calling card (everything seemed to be so hard and take SOOOOOOO long, like time stopped) I take the calling card outside and scratch off the pin number area, and SCRATCH THE NUMBER RIGHT OFF!!! Are you KIDDING me!!
Needless to say, it was the WORST day of my life thus far. It was like a bad dream. I finally got a hold of my in-laws to drive to where I was to pick me up and drive me home while I bawled....
the rest was a blur...I told everyone I could as fast as I could (I don't know why, it's just what I felt like I needed to do) my husband hugged me, my kids were fine doing there own thing downstairs ...my mom, who just recovered from breast cancer a year ago, was sweet but sad. So now I have been awake all night, thinking, crying, worrying....
**This post was written on December4th - 1AM, but edited and posted today Dec 5
In the Garden two
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