Can't avoid it now can I? I'd love to blog about a sweet Mexican holiday or winning the lottery, but that won't happen til next year. Right now's reality?
Cancer Smancer.
Drove my usual hour drive to the hospital for my 2 surgery's combined into one. Removal of more tissue (creating a bigger margin) around my lumpectomy site, and a sentinnel lymphnode biopsy. This will tell me the stage of cancer I am at...or if all of the cancer was removed in the lumpectomy.
anywho...
8:00am they put me in a gown and tell me they are going to inject me wit a radio-active dye to locate which nodes are closest to my cancer site. That way they can pull those and test them for spreading before yanking the whole bunch.
Before they inject me they have to ultrasound the cancer area to mark where the lump was removed...because my last surgery was so recent there is still fluid there and they need to mark it to make sure they don't inject that area with radio active dye (sounds pleasant hey?) So I go into this room, my husband waiting out in the hall. There is this really awkward Russian guy about to do my ultra sound...he seems nervous or uncomfortable (kinda funny) anyways this guy soon turns out to be my hero, my fate. As he's scanning my fluid sac area he moves the camera up a little and I look over and I see it. ANOTHER LUMP. I say to him, "It's another lump isn't it?" he says "You do not know of zis lump?" I say " I had a feeling, but no, you and I are the only ones as of this moment."
HOLY SHIT.
Did this lump grow since my last ultra sound (chances are almost nil, though nothings impossible) if so, I'm in trouble,
Did this lump get overlooked at the first ultra sound? (I have been told that the tech isn't allowed to scan more of the breast than my pointed out lump)
Did the surgeon forget or ignore the idea to have all of my breast (an my other breast for that matter) checked for other masses?? CRAZY!!!
The lump measured 1cm, and was about 1-2cm from the original mass. It IS a mass, not a cyst, so fibrodenoma or cancer pretty much.
I freaked and asked everyone to page my surgeon...I needed to tell him so we could make a plan to get it out with the same surgery, the last thing I was going to do was leave there without dealing with it, only to have to come back AGAIN!
Well, it was a long day of waiting, I saw my husband cry (which never happens, he's the "strong one") and I just tried to sleep until it was time to deal with it. Throughout the day I told nurses that I needed my surgeon to get this info, and everyone said "he will, he will" and said they passed the word on....he never came to me.
Finally I was wheeled away from my husband and put in the place I go right before surgery starts, and my surgeon came over.
I was bawling....
HE: "What's wrong? Nervous?"
ME: "Yes, did you hear yet?"
HE: "Hear what?"
ME: "There's another lump, we found it this morning."
HE: "What!?" He then felt around, thought he may have felt it, then went downstairs to look at the ultrasound and came back up.
I couldn't tell if he was stressed or being rude to me, or what but he had a dark demeanor.
He told me "Don't worry, it's close to the other one, we will get it out."
ME: "I just want it all out, all of it, I hate this!"
Then I went in and went to sleep. When I woke, he was there, again, dark...darker even...was he depressed, did he feel bad? Was he mad at me? Was he just tired? Either way it made me feel uneasy.
He quickly just told me that I may get a call over Xmas holidays, but if not, to book in with him in the new year.
NICE, now I get to wait 2 weeks for answers?? And why was he so weird to me? What a mind jerk.
So here I am, in bed, healing. Computing my brains out. I just keep looking at Mexico, and vacation packages I might be able to take once this is over with. A prize at the end of a dark journey so to speak. Here are some quotes I have bonded with.
Cancer Smancer.
Drove my usual hour drive to the hospital for my 2 surgery's combined into one. Removal of more tissue (creating a bigger margin) around my lumpectomy site, and a sentinnel lymphnode biopsy. This will tell me the stage of cancer I am at...or if all of the cancer was removed in the lumpectomy.
anywho...
8:00am they put me in a gown and tell me they are going to inject me wit a radio-active dye to locate which nodes are closest to my cancer site. That way they can pull those and test them for spreading before yanking the whole bunch.
Before they inject me they have to ultrasound the cancer area to mark where the lump was removed...because my last surgery was so recent there is still fluid there and they need to mark it to make sure they don't inject that area with radio active dye (sounds pleasant hey?) So I go into this room, my husband waiting out in the hall. There is this really awkward Russian guy about to do my ultra sound...he seems nervous or uncomfortable (kinda funny) anyways this guy soon turns out to be my hero, my fate. As he's scanning my fluid sac area he moves the camera up a little and I look over and I see it. ANOTHER LUMP. I say to him, "It's another lump isn't it?" he says "You do not know of zis lump?" I say " I had a feeling, but no, you and I are the only ones as of this moment."
HOLY SHIT.
Did this lump grow since my last ultra sound (chances are almost nil, though nothings impossible) if so, I'm in trouble,
Did this lump get overlooked at the first ultra sound? (I have been told that the tech isn't allowed to scan more of the breast than my pointed out lump)
Did the surgeon forget or ignore the idea to have all of my breast (an my other breast for that matter) checked for other masses?? CRAZY!!!
The lump measured 1cm, and was about 1-2cm from the original mass. It IS a mass, not a cyst, so fibrodenoma or cancer pretty much.
I freaked and asked everyone to page my surgeon...I needed to tell him so we could make a plan to get it out with the same surgery, the last thing I was going to do was leave there without dealing with it, only to have to come back AGAIN!
Well, it was a long day of waiting, I saw my husband cry (which never happens, he's the "strong one") and I just tried to sleep until it was time to deal with it. Throughout the day I told nurses that I needed my surgeon to get this info, and everyone said "he will, he will" and said they passed the word on....he never came to me.
Finally I was wheeled away from my husband and put in the place I go right before surgery starts, and my surgeon came over.
I was bawling....
HE: "What's wrong? Nervous?"
ME: "Yes, did you hear yet?"
HE: "Hear what?"
ME: "There's another lump, we found it this morning."
HE: "What!?" He then felt around, thought he may have felt it, then went downstairs to look at the ultrasound and came back up.
I couldn't tell if he was stressed or being rude to me, or what but he had a dark demeanor.
He told me "Don't worry, it's close to the other one, we will get it out."
ME: "I just want it all out, all of it, I hate this!"
Then I went in and went to sleep. When I woke, he was there, again, dark...darker even...was he depressed, did he feel bad? Was he mad at me? Was he just tired? Either way it made me feel uneasy.
He quickly just told me that I may get a call over Xmas holidays, but if not, to book in with him in the new year.
NICE, now I get to wait 2 weeks for answers?? And why was he so weird to me? What a mind jerk.
So here I am, in bed, healing. Computing my brains out. I just keep looking at Mexico, and vacation packages I might be able to take once this is over with. A prize at the end of a dark journey so to speak. Here are some quotes I have bonded with.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault
Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. ~Emory Austin
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