lump.

Wizard of Oz just started playing on the televison..."there's no place like home?" is this a sign?
Don't think so.
Well, well well. A lot has happened this last few days since I posted. Late Thursday night I was getting ready for bed and I was doing a self breast exam (I do this often as there is quite a history of breast cancer in my family) and much to my surprise I felt a lump. I felt it again, maybe I was wrong, maybe it was part of my breast....no, that is not normal. a lump. I thought I was going to be sick, I felt like I was spinning on a merry go round'. You see, this caused major panic because my Mom just recovered from breast cancer and so did my 27 year old friend....this was too much a reality for me.
I hoped I would go to the doctor's and he would touch it and instantly tell me it was nothing. My beautiful husband booked me an appointment. It didn't go as I had planned. Apparently there is something foreign there, but he can't tell if it is just a cyst or what, so I am now waiting for a call from the Nelson hospital for a biopsy and ultrasound.
BOO.
Feelings around this have ranged from helpless panic (mostly when I think of my kids) to fearlessness, and belief it is nothing... ("MEH!") to anger.
I get and have always gotten really angry about the "hoopla" surrounding Breast Cancer.
I feel like people celebrate it, and cash in and profit from it. Do you know how many times I have found a pink ribbon on something at a store and there is no mention that there is any proceeds donated to research?? It is common. And even if they do donate, I feel like it is still a ploy to make a sale and all of the intentions are selfish. I also believe a lot in manifestation and I feel like there is SO much energy focusing on breast cancer in general that it can't be good. And maybe we should be focusing on "prevention research" rather than "cure" because if we are focusing on a cure, then we are manifesting people to actually get the disease...!!!
Do I sound CRAZY?? I don't know, but I have felt this way since even before my Mom was diagnosed. And now that I have a scare, it REALLY annoys me. Where I work, we are all supposed to dress up in Pink and support breast cancer and I feel like it is a slap in my face , like everyone is "supporting" and "celebrating" it. I am trying to turn my attitude around, but it's hard. I just wish it wasn't such a money making "fad", it affects some of us VERY personally, and shouldn't be made light of.
So this event had me thinking..."What if?" would this change everything?? Maybe. But if this turns out to be cancer. I will fight it with no problem. Because I have an agenda, and noone gets in the way of what I want. I will fight, and recover and continue on with my life with more of a fearlessness and drive than ever.
There's no place like home??
There's no place like MEXICO!
-<3