( Jan.4/10-there are statements in this post that I wish I had never written, maybe a manifestation of sorts?? Though it was true in the moment, I wish I could take it all back)
Well it's been a while since my last blog, so, though not much has changed or happened here lately, I do have a wee bit of catching up to do.
Firstly, Halloween was a success! The kids had a blast and I got one of my favorite homemade candy apples from my husbands old neighbour. YUMMY!!!!
Then we came down with the FLU!!!! First the husband, then the son, then myself.....my daughter and international boy have been spared so far.....not sure if it was the swine, I doubt it though.....
Finally I have an appointment set up for a consultation at the suregeons, for my lumpectomy. I hope I can get in right away for the actual surgery as I just want to know what's ahead of me. You know what the really sad, sick thing is? A deep dirty secret that I have? In a small way, I want it to be cancer. Only because right now, I am hating my life so badly that I would like to have a year off to reflect on important things and decide what I really need in my life to make me happy....I know, I could beat cancer right now in my life, so I am not really afraid, though the treatments aren't pretty and the fear of it coming back as a bigger, badder cancer kind of scares me, but honestly, I feel like I control my health and I just won't allow something to get in the way of what I want.
But what do I want.
I think I want to do some charity work when we move down south. I want to feel like I am making some change in the world. Especially in regards to animals and the eco system. I think Mexico needs me, and I need it just as bad. Regardless, I NEED something to happen in my life, I NEED and epiphany, I am on the brink, I can feel it and I am ready with arms wide open.
"COME ON!!!"
Well it's been a while since my last blog, so, though not much has changed or happened here lately, I do have a wee bit of catching up to do.
Firstly, Halloween was a success! The kids had a blast and I got one of my favorite homemade candy apples from my husbands old neighbour. YUMMY!!!!
Then we came down with the FLU!!!! First the husband, then the son, then myself.....my daughter and international boy have been spared so far.....not sure if it was the swine, I doubt it though.....
Finally I have an appointment set up for a consultation at the suregeons, for my lumpectomy. I hope I can get in right away for the actual surgery as I just want to know what's ahead of me. You know what the really sad, sick thing is? A deep dirty secret that I have? In a small way, I want it to be cancer. Only because right now, I am hating my life so badly that I would like to have a year off to reflect on important things and decide what I really need in my life to make me happy....I know, I could beat cancer right now in my life, so I am not really afraid, though the treatments aren't pretty and the fear of it coming back as a bigger, badder cancer kind of scares me, but honestly, I feel like I control my health and I just won't allow something to get in the way of what I want.
But what do I want.
I think I want to do some charity work when we move down south. I want to feel like I am making some change in the world. Especially in regards to animals and the eco system. I think Mexico needs me, and I need it just as bad. Regardless, I NEED something to happen in my life, I NEED and epiphany, I am on the brink, I can feel it and I am ready with arms wide open.
"COME ON!!!"
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