Dream Creator

Dream Creator
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Just a small town Canadian dreamer... This started as the diary of a young woman's experience with breast cancer and continues 5 years later as the diary of a woman, like many other, who has decided to take her lemons and make lemonade. **If reading this blog for the purpose of learning about my breast cancer experience, PLEASE START AT THE OLDEST POST (October 2009) AND WORK YOUR WAY FORWARD**

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Megan Re-invented.

I can't believe its been 3 years since I've been a cancer blogger. 
What a ride that was.
Here I am now, a whole new girl! 
I've been a supporter to other women who've been diagnosed...
My husband has been a supporter to other cancer supporters,
We've been regularly giving back thru hosting fundraisers and we've genrally made the most of our past cancer experience.
There is still some fear of recurrence, but mostly we live in the moment, happy and carefree.
There's still some signs left behind from the cancer, scars, numbness, brain fog etc, but all seems very minor in the grand scheme of things. 
All in all life is grand. 
I survived, just like thousands of women every year,
I survived.
So why am I back here on this blog? 
Well, I'm newly enlightened, re-invented!
I've found my newest passion and my new identity.
And sharing this new passion isn't always welcomed on social media. 
Not everybody is as excited about our passions as we are, so this platform gives those that are, the option to check in or not. 

So here's my new story...
In March, I was on a vacation with my husband in Italy...
I was at my heaviest weight.
We were travelling thru Italy, endulging at every turn, and I'm glad we did, but I had been carrying a burden on my shoulders for some time. 

You see, I've always wanted to be healthy.
Fit, athletic.
But I have never found it natural to put in the effort to be this person.
I've always been terrible at sports, 
I was a self proclaimed exercise LOATHER.
The girl who made self deprecating jokes on a regular basis.
And for years I was naturally skinny, so it didn't really matter! I wasn't fit, but the physique didn't show my laziness...
I wished I could love exercise. I wanted to be the person who lived healthy, and loved it. Who found it natural to do so.
I tried this or that...
Weight watchers, 
cross fit, 
Nothing stuck.
Until Italy. 
I call it a perfect storm.
I was lying in my hotel room, at the end of my vacation. 
I was carb loaded, puffy, tired, and feeling very unhealthy.
Not to mention the anxiety. The fear of recurrence that creeps in when you know you aren't living the ideal lifestyle for prevention.
And in that low moment, my half sister sent me a Facebook message.
She had been following a health program for some time. 
I had seen her progress on Facebook.
I knew she was looking fit and seeming much happier.
I had checked in with her at one point about what she was doing to be in this mental and physical place, and she explained the program, but I wasn't ready to join in.
But in Italy, in that moment, when she messaged me saying there was an hour left to join the next session....
I pounced.
That was it.
She signed me up so fast she didn't give me a chance to change my mind...
I returned to Canada a few days later and on our drive home from the airport I stopped for my first load of "healthy, new me, new family, new life"  groceries, wondering what I had done and how long this would last before I'd quit just like I had everything else I had ever tried.
I definitely didn't feel ready.

Little did I know that I WAS ready.
The program I joined is called Healthy Role Models- Fit To The Core. (HRM-FTTC)
and the 12 weeks of the program was a RIDE.
It was so much more than a workout schedule and meal suggestions...the real gold of the program is the daily 24hr support.
When you sign up, you are added to a private HRM Facebook page where Sarah, David (the founders of HRM) and the other Ambassadors post regularly via posts, and video blogs.
They give you things to think about and focus on for the day or week and challenge you to self improvement tasks and contests (yes there are regular prizes).
These daily posts re-train your brain to think differently than before. Its such a hard thing to explain unless you have experienced it, you will never understand it's value.
I just remember my lightbulb moment when I realized why everything else hadn't STUCK ...it was because I was always hating on myself.
Being so hard on myself.
Expecting too much too soon and the pressure was too much, I would just quit!
If I couldn't get on the treadmill and run for an hour and lift 20llbs weights on day one I would tell myself I wasn't cut out for this and just quit...or dread doing it for the next few weeks and THEN quit...
HRM taught me (sorry for the cheesy clique) to love myself.
To talk to myself like I would talk to my best friend.
Applaud myself for every attempt at living a healthier life, even it was only making one good choice in my day (that's one more good choice than I WAS making before the program).
Even if I could only do 15min of cardio one day, it was still 15min more than I was doing before and that gentleness and patience of knowing, "there is no time limit to a life of healthiness", and "that every day is a new day" and "Rome wasn't built in a day" and so on... It made me think differently.
 I will ALWAYS be working on my masterpiece, and being healthy and strong makes me feel GOOD! And that good feeling LASTS and grows and ripples out to others around me, and they start wanting the same for themselves and that's the point of Healthy Role Models...
Since I started in April I have lost 28llbs of fat and gained plenty of muscle. I've lost many inches and built strength and endurance, confidence and I now radiate happiness and gratitude daily.
My family has jumped on board, and are living healthier lives with ease...many of my friends are as well...
Though it seemed so foreign and overwhelming on day 1, I just told myself " Megan, you can do ANYTHING for 12 weeks...it's only 12 weeks. Now commit, and see what happens..."
I am proud to say that I was named a finalist in the 12 week challenge amongst 600 + other women. I am so proud of that...I put my mind to it and I prevailed.
And the joke's on me....what started as a 12 week challenge is NOT THAT AT ALL. It's a change for LIFE. There's very few women who commit to the 12 weeks and then quit once it's over.
Did you know that if you do anything for 66days straight it becomes a new habit? Meaning it's easier for you to continue with that routine than to stop that routine...(another thing I learned during my 12 weeks)
So that's my summary,
in a nutshell.
I look forward to reflecting more on key points from my 12 week journey as well and journaling my current experiences as they reveal themselves.
It's all such a wild thing how life takes us down these twisted paths, but we always end up right where we belong.

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