We brought in the new year with good friends this year.
The entire event felt a lot more welcomed for me than last year.
Last year...how could I celebrate? I knew I was heading into a year full of cancer and treatments...the unknown.
This year marks a NEW BEGINNING for myself personally.
I wish I could say the same for my mom.
She just had her bilateral mastectomy last week and the day she went in for her surgery I was working up at the college.
I thought I would be fine but minutes before she went under, I had an emotional release and overwhelming sadness came over me...I excused myself to go to the washroom and had a little cry for her....and me too maybe.
It brought up a lot of emotions for me and old feelings from my surgery that I have honored yes, but then buried in order to get back to real life.
I am so aware that ignoring and burying up feeling isn't healthy but the bottom line is that when something as major as cancer happens to you, it would take up to a few years to properly deal with it before you could be back to normal (if that is even possible) so sometimes you have to bury a little bit in order to move forward and function as a normal human.
I have had sympathy pains for my mom. The day of her surgery I had many sharp pains in my chest which isn't normal for me...I know that they were sympathy pains.
So far the New Year has been good to me. I have a full time position at Selkirk college as of now, as an assistant instructor in the cosmetology department. I love it, I love teaching, I love the students and my co-workers. I get paid well and the hours are great.
Kerry and I are planning a one week trip to Cozumel at the end of the month which I am so excited about. I am dying for a vacation, all inclusive style and some hard core vitamin D!! Much needed us time. I can't wait to spend 7 days alone with my best friend.
With all that said, the New Year isn't perfect. My mom is about to go through cancer treatment AGAIN and a close friend was diagnosed with testicular cancer in mid December so I am helping him with that. It seems that no matter what I do, my life has been surrounded by cancer for the last 5 years.
This is something I would expect if I was an old lady and all of my friends were getting sick around me and so on. But I am 31 years old, and the people around me are all too young to be getting sick.
Is this has the world has always been and I was just lucky to avoid it up until now?
Or is the world getting plagued by cancer?
Or is it just me and my life....is there some significance maybe?
Am I meant to be helping...does God just know that I am strong enough to deal with it all and so he is surrounding ME?
Who knows.
I just have to keep looking at the bright side of it all....
being grateful for what I do have and the GOOD moments.
We need to acknowledge the GOOD moments and the daily blessings we are presented with, no matter how small...because there are people who are REALLY suffering out there.
I look forward to everyday of this New Year, no matter what happens.
I am healthier than ever, I am slim again, I am smoke-FREE and I am still madly in love. I've crossed off about 5 past New Years resolutions in one year (last year). If that was the point of my cancer, I'll take it.
I pray for health for my loved ones and I pray for success in their fight. And if they come out of their fight with the clarity that I have then it will all be worth it.
Happy New Year!
