Today is the day the genetic counselor will say the magic words
"You have (or don't have) the BRCA1 breast cancer gene."
Though everyone has already told me there is a very slim chance that I DON'T have it...I am clinging to that small chance.
This week has been very hard for me. I had to SQUEEZE Herceptin into my schedule and it STILL got in the way of me working and making $300. I was resentful to say the least.
Then I really started thinking about my oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) and I started to get depressed.
I guess it began when I received a letter from my Oncologist in Kelowna. She wrote that it is a good idea to have them out and there is no point in waiting til I am older, as long as I am done having kids.
Then I read that this procedure (including the removal of my fallopian tubes because of the new discovery that ovarian cancer actually starts in the tubes) has serious consequences. I read that (quote)
Removal of ovaries causes hormonal changes and symptoms similar to, but generally more severe than, menopause
Women younger than 45 who have had their ovaries removed face a mortality risk 170% higher than women who have retained their ovaries.
AND THE GRANDADDY OF THEM ALL....
Oophorectomy significantly impairs sexual well-being. Substantially more women reported libido loss, difficulty with sexual arousal, and vaginal dryness and hormone replacement therapy was not found to improve these symptoms.
(WIKPEDIA)
Now I am hoping that these statements are false...because the thought that there is truth in them has brought me to tears every night this week. I am like a leaky faucet and tears won't stop seeping from my eyes.
I am sad. really, really sad.
I am sad that cancer has already taken my breasts, that I can no longer feel anything touch my new breasts and I have scars all over my body. And now cancer might take my female organs. I feel very sad about this.
What if I don't feel like a woman after the surgery.
What if it does cause me to die young?
What if it does ruin my sex life?
Why me.
I have had enough.
enough for today.
enough this year.
enough.
(turned out they called and arranged a phone appointment for the following week...see the next entry)
"You have (or don't have) the BRCA1 breast cancer gene."
Though everyone has already told me there is a very slim chance that I DON'T have it...I am clinging to that small chance.
This week has been very hard for me. I had to SQUEEZE Herceptin into my schedule and it STILL got in the way of me working and making $300. I was resentful to say the least.
Then I really started thinking about my oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) and I started to get depressed.
I guess it began when I received a letter from my Oncologist in Kelowna. She wrote that it is a good idea to have them out and there is no point in waiting til I am older, as long as I am done having kids.
Then I read that this procedure (including the removal of my fallopian tubes because of the new discovery that ovarian cancer actually starts in the tubes) has serious consequences. I read that (quote)
Removal of ovaries causes hormonal changes and symptoms similar to, but generally more severe than, menopause
Women younger than 45 who have had their ovaries removed face a mortality risk 170% higher than women who have retained their ovaries.
AND THE GRANDADDY OF THEM ALL....
Oophorectomy significantly impairs sexual well-being. Substantially more women reported libido loss, difficulty with sexual arousal, and vaginal dryness and hormone replacement therapy was not found to improve these symptoms.
(WIKPEDIA)
Now I am hoping that these statements are false...because the thought that there is truth in them has brought me to tears every night this week. I am like a leaky faucet and tears won't stop seeping from my eyes.
I am sad. really, really sad.
I am sad that cancer has already taken my breasts, that I can no longer feel anything touch my new breasts and I have scars all over my body. And now cancer might take my female organs. I feel very sad about this.
What if I don't feel like a woman after the surgery.
What if it does cause me to die young?
What if it does ruin my sex life?
Why me.
I have had enough.
enough for today.
enough this year.
enough.
(turned out they called and arranged a phone appointment for the following week...see the next entry)
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